Sand Witch Review - Final Fantasy Tactics A2.

Welcome to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here is my review. People, I'm going to be blunt, I love my mother. She is a wonderful and kind person to no known ends. So since this review is probably going to be seen by her nurturing eyes I'm not going to be as profane as I would be in my earlier reviews. Now while some of you may be worried that my humor might go down if a curse isn't in every other sentence, I promise you I can still inflict massive damage onto a title I do not agree with and let me show you this clean side of me with my review of, Final Fantasy Tactics A2.

Now for all those who didn't know, I was a huge fan of the original Final Fantasy Tactics Advance for the game boy advance. Although the title sounded a little silly, there were no other games like it for satisfaction. It had great gameplay, intense storyline, and probably endless options in terms of party members. This game was so big that both my older brothers have once played this game with me. To which I kicked both of their rectums. So as you can imagine when I found out that a sequel was going to be made, you bet I jumped up and down with joy. However what began with hope and joy, soon became despair and tears.

Let me first address the title of the game, Final Fantasy Tactics A2, Grimorie of the Rift. First of all, why call it A2? Were you too lazy just to add in Advance? I mean, sure Tactics Advance 2 would look stupid, but I think Tactic A2 looks even dumber. Not only does it look like something a four year old would write because they're just learning the alphabet but also it's just lazy. Also let me talk about Grimoire of the Rift. As those that played the first game would know the characters were dragged into the world of Ivalice by the power of a Grimoire. Since the word is in the title, I suppose that means the main character is going through a book again. Now isn't that even more lazy? I mean, that and the A2 it's like they just had a Chimpanzee with turrets write the name and story line. Oh well, might as well address more of the game.

Now here's where I get really annoyed, story line and character layout. For those of you who have not played Final Fantasy Tactics Advances, get off you lazy as... rear, and buy the game already. This game's story line is divine. It's probably one of the most complex hand held story line of the time. It had government cruelty, conflict of tradition and society, and simply the story of a kid that tried to make his own world so that he could feel important. Also the main character is probably still one of my favorite square Enix characters to this day. He wasn't a blood thirsty killer, he was just a boy trapped in an alternate world trying to make his way home. He was kind, polite, and generally well liked even within the game, much different from the brooding, depressing main characters you find in the other parts of the franchise.

However someone with the IQ of a paper bag decided that the character of the sequel needed to be much more killing oriented then the first one since you know, being kind doesn't set a good role model what so ever. No what really makes a role model is a personality inspired by a card board box and an attitude of shoot first, ask questions latter. That's what my kids to grow up with and I know my mother would feel the same way. That same moron then decided to take away all the gripping story line of the first one and replace it with a jealous... (Insert profane word here) who wants the power of the Grimoire. Yeah as you can imagine I was not a happy camper. In fact I was quite the opposite, I was blood boiling angry. How can they sleep at night when they know that every Final Fantasy Tactic Advance fan who bought this game can never look at the original the same way again. How can they deal with that guilt? I have only one answer, with all the money the made out of this cheap insult to our intelligence as gamers.

I will give it one thing however, at least they still had the same battle system as in the last game. In fact, they even added two new races to the mix and a whole bunch of new jobs. This made me think that the rest of the game could be bearable. However like the rest of the game, that brain dead monkey decided that you have to do certain missions which are not always available to receive the best jobs. Really? You really needed to put a cap on how long it takes to get the best jobs, let alone there best attacks? YOU REALLY NEEDED TO DESTROY EVERY GOOD AND DECENT THING THAT FINAL FANTASY TACTICS ADVANCE STANDS FOR? You son of a bitc... nice, normal, person that I'm sure didn't do anything wrong...*twitch* I love you mom.

*twitch*

Overall this game fails in comparison to the original. It's lame, unimaginative, and a complete let down. This game is one of those that is so bad that I really believe that I should find a number less then one but not zero. I can't use zero since that number hold infinite possibilities. I also can't call it a negative number because I feel that would give this game more credit then it's worth. This game gets a one out of five without any questions. Now while some of you overly zealous hard core gamers might like it solely because the words 'Final Fantasy' appear on the cover, remember that I'm a critic so anything that insults my gaming pride will face my wrath. This has been a Sand Witch Review and until next time, your time is out.

Sand Witch Review - Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Welcome to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here is my review. Alright so as you know by now my mind tends to be drifting in the sea of fantasy. In this vast world of magic and mystery there are Japanese role playing games, fantasy books, and finally, movies based on fantasy books. One of the most successful movie series based on one of the most successful book series is Harry Potter, to which I have the pleasure of reviewing the Half Blood Prince movie.

Now since it would be unfair to review the sixth movie of a franchise without reviewing the first five, allow me to give a fast recap of my personal opinions of the movies. The first one was breath taking, I mean it was magical. Of course, since I saw the first one as a child I guess my opinion is a tad biased due to my innocent state at the time. The next movie was okay. Again this is when I began to gain more of an opinion so I didn't just like everything I saw. The third one I didn't like solely because I actually read that book and I felt it did a bad job explaining things. Then we got to the fourth one. Holy shit was the fourth one amazing. It had great action, great special effects, and the beginning of Voldemort. That was what really set the bar for me on what a good Harry Potter movie should be. And then we got to five where I felt it was too much build up for a lame battle scene. Alright since I got all my other reviews out of the way, let me talk to you about the one I actually wanted to mention.

So let me start off by saying that for some reason the music felt off about this movie. I don't why this was, but there was definitely something off about it. I mean, it didn't even start off with the actual Harry Potter theme, you hear it like seven minutes in. That bothered me a lot. When you make a successful franchise, you have to keep some patterns the same. When you choose to break the patterns when the series is coming to an end, why? Oh well I think I'm getting overly worked up about one minor detail so let me work on another one.

Alright so let me start off by saying I loved the characters of Harry Potter. I mean when I say love, I mean I would give off half of my immortal soul so that these characters could come to life. I would give more but I need the other half to wish for the same thing with Kingdom Hearts. Anyways let me start off with the characters I liked the most, Bellatrix and Luna. Bellatrix has a place in my heart because she's evil. Not like the cruel, plan to take over the world evil, oh no that's too simple. No, she's the laughs sadistically as she blows shit up kind of evil. I mean, it's these characters that make me smile. My reason for doing so is because they make evil look fun because they enjoy it so much. Plus the actress who played this part mastered the character as she truly looks like what the character was meant to be. My next favorite character is Luna for similar reasons. I'm not saying that Luna's evil, she's just crazy. I mean, can you really say if you saw a girl like her walking by doing something Luna would do you wouldn't chuckle away at how crazy she is? The worst part is she isn't crazy, she's right! Also again I love the actress that plays her because she delivers all of her lines so melancholy. It's like nothing she does bothers her or makes her feel uncomfortable, so why should you be awkward?

The romance was also fun in this movie. However it did seem to focus on the romance too much which made me wonder if anyone was going to propose. Again one of the major romances focused on in the movie was Hermione and Ron and how Ron gets an overly obsessed girlfriend which makes Hermione all emotional. Wow if only she had the balls to just tell Ron that she was into him while she was staying at his house. That would have hit things off smoothly. Also in the movie Harry Potter wants in on the romance as well as he suddenly has his eyes on Ron's sister Jenny. Now wait a minute! Wasn't Harry after that Asian chick in the last two movies when did he change to gingers? Oh well I guess the movie figured that we either wouldn't notice or care as it keeps forcing into our minds that Harry likes Jen and after a while I just gave up. Anyways the romance was nice however I can't help but think that it was meant to counter the ever rising population of obsessed teenage girls who love Twilight because of its romance. But I digress, I'll tackle that abomination another time.

Alright now let's talk about Albus Dumbledore. As we all know, Dumbledore dies in this movie. Didn't know it, ha I spoiled something now live your lives in fear! Anyways as I was saying due to the dying of one of Harry Potter's famous and most powerful characters, there were a lot of scenes including him. Now these are the scenes in which make the movie awesome. The reason being that Albus is awesome. I mean, this guy was spectacular. He's so kind that young kids could think of him as Santa Claus and in many ways he actually was. He always showed kindness and love to all of his students, had great respect on both sides, and even had a bit of fun in him. Not to mention that he was in fact the most powerful wizard ever alive. Now when Dumbledore died, it was heart breaking. Although I didn't cry, I wanted to. This was one of my most prized characters and one of my favorite childhood friends. Now, he's one with the planet. Rest in peace good sir, rest in peace. Also the scene where all the wizards raise their wands and cast Lumos was also very heart warming. Finally my favorite thing about Dumbledore is that he had a pheonix called Fox that flew away into the morning sun. That was a beautiful image.

Now it's time for me to end this review. Overall, I seriously enjoyed it. Although I mentioned a lot of things that I didn't like, frankly there were a lot of things I liked as well. The acting was perfect, the effects were amazing, and the story line made sense. Over all I'm giving this movie a four out of five. Again this may be because of my biased feelings and of the fact it's going to be Micheal Gambon's last performance, in reality I don't think so. To me, this movie was meant to be the lead up to the seventh and final chapter and it did that well. It didn't try to be it's own story like the other movies because it wasn't supposed to. And like I said it's still not as good as the fourth one, at least it was better then the fifth. This has been a Sand Witch Review, and until next time, your time is out.