Welcome to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here is my review. Pokemon, do I even really have to say more? Ten years ago this was a phenomenon that swept the entire nation. Kids every where were addicted to this animated madness. And while the shows and games may be a pile of horse vomit mixed together with guerrilla diarrhea by now, one cannot forget the good memories this show has produced.For all of those adults or non conforming kids who do not know about pokemon, here's a little recap. Pokemon was a show which was based on trading cards, which were in turn based on a game. The idea was simple. Capture a bunch of demonic little rodents with sphere shaped prisons known as a 'pokeball', kill the bad guy's rodents, and become the new champion of pokemon. Such a simple and sastifying game play led to one of the most addicting games of all time. There were literally countless amounts of pokemon that you could capture, each one having it's own strength and weakness. God this brings back so many good memories. You see, I was a huge fan of the original red and blue versions. To this day I am still a fan. However the difference is that while ten years ago you were considered a god if you knew all the pokemon, now you're just a virgin nerd.
I can't say that I was really a big fan of the card game however, evenas a child. The reason for this was that on the card each pokemon could only have like two attacks. That felt too limited to me which caused me not to participate in the games. However I know that the card games were very famous. I believe that even to this day there are still people that enjoy this game. If you ask me they should just be playing Magic the Gathering since that's where the real picture card gamers are at!
Now let's talk about that anime, that little piece of crap anime. As earlier mentioned, in the beginning I was a huge fan of the show as well. However as I had to watch some episodes to recap my memories of this show, I realized just how miserably bad this show really was. I mean, did they even try? Some of these episodes just seem like they said "you know what? Fuck making sense! We have a show about a protagionist with a sand paper personality with a electric rat that refuses to evolve. If they're still willing to watch it despite that bullshit, then obviously we don't have to try." Alright now that I got that out of the way, let's begin with my review.
The first thing that I'm going to pick on is how long this show has lasted. This show has lasted more then NINE SEASON! Nine, you know, that number before ten and after eight. How do you do it? How can you still get more and more veiwers when the show constantly repeats the same process in each and every season? Where are the angels of mercy to chancel this abomination? To make it worst, each season gets progressively worst. I mean, sure there's bad, but these show managed to cross that border and make something even badder then bad. It's something so bad, that bad needs it's an evolution in order to keep up with the times. Dear God did I just make a pokemon reference? I need to end this quick.
The next thing that I'm going to pick at is voice actors. Now in the pokemon games, there was no voice acting. The pokemon had computer generated cries and there was background music. But no voice actors. Why? Because that was one of those days that the big guy upstairs was hard at work to make sure that such sin does not taint the franchise. However, where is an anime without voice actors right? Well, after listening to a few episodes I think that they should have kept it in silence. The voice actors for pokemon were horrible. I mean, they made me want to cut off my ears, boil them in hot water, eat them, and then vomit all over the hottest guy I could find. To top it all off the pokemon also get voice overs. However again there was some kind of miracle because all they could do was say their names. Again though, this gets very annoying...
Another thing I wish to address is the plot. It was pretty much just like the game, beat the gym leaders and defeat the elite four. I think I've pissed puddles deeper than this. I mean, couldn't you add a sub plot? Anything really I'm not a very demanding person. All I ask is a slightly different plot then the one already provided by the game so that I don't feel like I'm wasting my time watching the show about a trainer who I could run circles around with my level one hundred Alakazam. Also everyone in this show is very happy. Sure being an optimist is a good characteristic, but these guys were almost too chipper. It felt like a twilight zone episode where everyone in the world was possessed by aliens so that they were forced to only be able to smile and be inspiring. The only people who were ever seen with something else then a shit eating grin were the bad guys and even they got there turn to show there perfect teeth.
I will give it one thing, there were moments when I could take this show seriously. Despite the constant go lucky attitude of the show there were actually a few moments when things weren't so perfect. Like there was one episode where Ash got seperated from his two human friends and was trapped in a frozen cave. Although he was using Charmander's fiery tail to keep himself and his pokemon warm, the fire was dying out so Ash returned all of his pokemon to their pokeballs. However Pikachu doesn't want to go into his pokeball because he's afraid that his partner will die of the cold. In their fighting the rest of ash's pokemon come out as well and bunch themselves together with Ash so that he will continue to stay warm. I won't forget any time soon when Ash had a tear in his eye as he said "so then we're all going to die together." What really killed me though was that he then repated 'die together'. While I know that I'm an emotional bitch when it comes to such situations, that was somewhat of a good scene. It wasn't happy, it wasn't go lucky and it made people generally care. Now naturally the show destroyed that moment the second it got to, but for those few seconds, there was an actual heartfelt moment.
Overall I'm giving pokemon in general a four out of five. The games are definitely all fives, however since this review is combining the card game and the anime with them, I have to bring it down from perfection. Honestly, I believe that the anime is the source of all of Pokemon's problems. It's because of them that people critic the genre and bash the games. In reality though, the games aren't bad. Mostly because they don't try to match up with the anime and they just try to keep the same pattern that gamers want from them. Personally though I do think that pokemon has had its run. If they make a new generation, I just might give up. I'm Mattysandwich, and until next time, your time is up.
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