The Sand Witch Review - Top 9 greatest horror movie villains.

Welcome to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here is my review. Alright so as most people in my close life know, I love horror movies. I enjoy the feeling of being scared and having to look behind me even in the comfort of my own house. However as I watched the movie 'The collector' to which my friend was supposed to write a review about, I asked myself, what makes a movie scary? Is it it's blood and gore or is it the way people die. When it comes down to it, there's only one answer I received that makes sense. It's the villain. While you could have all the thing that make you scared, in the end it's the villain who's going to tie it all together and make it a pleasure cruise to hell. That's the reason why in this review, I am tackling the top nine greatest horror movie villains. Why top nine? Because I make it my job in life to bother people with OCD. So, without further delay, let's get on to the top nine greatest horror movie villains.

Number nine: Chucky from Child's play.



Fitting the number nine spot of this count down is Chucky from Child's Play. In the movie he is a doll that is possessed by the spirit of a sociopath and goes on kill rants to try and find a human body for him to switch his soul with. The reason why I put this guy lower to the list is because of one key element, HE'S A DOLL! Just kick him and he'll go flying. I mean, how is a good year toy anywhere close to intimidating? If you ask me it's a surprise the movie franchise lasted as long as it did. However I will give the idea of Child's play is indeed scary. I mean, imagine if one of your dolls or action figures was possessed by a homicidal maniac and tried to kill you. Wouldn't that alone cause years of physiological damage to see your favorite toy curse you out? Well as I said, he's not as intimidating as the rest of my contestants, however to ignore him would be disrespecting the legacy of Charles Lee Ray.

Number eight: Death from Final Destination.


Although I think that 'Death' isn't exactly a villain, he certainly was the antagonist of this franchise. In these movies the main character's nearly escape death and then are pursued by the most ridiculous forms of 'accidents' that the big guy upstairs could think up. While again the movies themselves weren't too frightening, the idea was still very scary. I mean, imagine if you got trapped in a situation where just as you think you were given a second chance, God pimp smacks that idea right out of your hand by killing you off in a very brutal way? Plus, unlike Child's play they never give a face to the figure known as Death which makes it even more scary. It's not like it's some monster who's out to kill people, it's simply a force that, like gravity, always works out in the end.

Number Seven: Jason from Friday the 13th


Alright now this is what originally crossed my mind when I began this list. Oh Jason, what a glorious villain. Between his creepy ass hockey mask and his machete at hand, this man was one of the original horror movie monsters. And boy did I love every minute of it growing up. I mean, this man was evil. He never ran yet he always managed to kill his prey. Though he has a fear of water, he makes up for that weakness with the ability to never die. I think he's died in every movie that he's been in and in every time he comes back. Though this is a common stereotype for horror movie villains, frankly there's there are few that can pull it off better then Jason.

Number Six: Micheal Myers from Halloween.


No not that Micheal Myers!


There we go, that Micheal Myers. Alright now this guy is a personal favorite of mine. Like Jason Micheal Myers never ran to his victims and always managed to kill whoever he was after. However unlike Jason Micheal Myers never died. Instead he is always seen coming back for more despite the fact he's shot, on fire, or decapitated. Also unlike Jason Micheal Myers has probably the scariest theme song on the face of the planet. This song is so scary that while trying to find a youtube video to put in this review I had to change my pants after listening to the first five seconds. Damn that coffee spill. But, joking aside this was one serious villain. Though ultimately not the scariest due to his slow speed and none creative tendencies of mass murdering, ultimately when you see this man stare at you from your second story window, you know you're dead.

Number five: Scream from, well, Scream.


Ah Scream, this brings back memories. All the time I've wet myself while you creep up on your victims. All the popcorn lost to the floor as I watch you cut a girl's throat. And let's not forget all the hand's I've broken because I squeezed too hard while the killer is revealed. I'm still in law suites because of those complaining pansies. Anyway this is a horror movie villain, in every sense of the word. The concept of killing people in the style of a horror movie is masterful. It was dark, addicting, and down right terrifying. The worst part is that this movie doesn't seem too impossible unlike my other picks for my count down. It's done with the theme of a realistic horror movie and in that sense it succeeds. Again though the reason why it doesn't win is because while the concept is scary, I don't think it can beat the rest of the people I have on this list.

Number four: Semara Morgan from the ring.


Holy Crap it's her. Alright while many people are disappointed by my choice of placing her as number three, here's my reason SHE SCARES THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME! Just look at her face. Also there's something about a video tape that kills you that scares me as well. It's not like the other people in which they're after you, this one waits for its victims to come to her. Also unlike the other killers, this one makes you wait seven days before she ends your life. Imagine knowing you were going to die in seven days. What would you do? Would you try and do anything and everything? Also the final thing that makes her fearful is the the fact you don't see her at all till the end of the movie. You see what her victims look like, and you see what she looked like as a child, but you never see that ghostly face till the end when the male lead is killed off by her. Such suspense and fright lets her very proudly keep the title, of number four.

Number three: Jigsaw from Saw.


Now I think this is a horror movie villain that the younger readers would know of. While not exactly a serial killer, Jigsaw did place his victims in life or death situations where either one was going to cause blood to spill. It's that concept alone that makes him have a high rank in my book. But also what else he does which is different form the others is that he only does it to people he sees as unworthy. He puts people to the test to see if they deserve the life they were given. Somehow that twisted way of thinking makes sense. Also, like Micheal Myers, Jigsaw also has his own theme. While admittedly not as scary as the Halloween one, it's much more of a thinking sound that plays when everything you just watch begins to make sense right in front of your eyes. It's one of the situations where knowing the truth doesn't make it any easier to comprehend. Or in this case, any less scary.

Number two: Freddy Kruger from Nightmare on Elms Street.


Freddy Kruger, do I really need to say anything else? Not only does he only appear in your dreams but he also kills you in the most sadistic manner that he can come up with. Not only that, but his appearance is dreadful. This guy literally does look like a nightmare. I think though the scariest part about this monster is the fact that he can never be fully killed. As long as kids dream there is no way for him to be eliminated. And since he only appears in the dream world, he can kill you at any time. There's no way to stop this evil, and that's just the way that it should be. Also unlike the other villains reviewed who are being brought back to make a quick buck with a cheap knock off of their original idea, Freddy's not coming back. They don't have any remakes of this movie and frankly that's how it should stay. This man had one great run that placed him above the rest, if there is a God let it stay that way. However even the masterful monster that is Freddy, can only lift a bladed finger to my last contender of this list.

And the number one spot goes to...

Alien from Alien.


Now I know what a lot of you are thinking, this isn't a villain? How does it beat the other people on the list? Well, let's look at an alien and find out. Let's start off with the fact that they start off as eggs that then latch on to a person's face. After they think that they just passed out and that they killed off the alien in the moment, a tiny alien burst out of your chest, which not only kills you in an overly painful sequence, but then proceeds to kill off all of your friends and family by piercing their skulls with it's tongue. Need a minute to change your pants? That's okay I can wait. Still not only is the fashion it kills brutal but there's also something about the name that should be taken into consideration. It isn't some complicated name like "The alien who burst out of your stomach," or "The alien that rips apart everyone you know and love," it's simply titled 'Alien.' Those around of the time know that there was nothing that told you what the aliens did or what they wanted, all that was said was "In space, no one can hear you scream." It didn't give any hints which made the monster be anything from a giant mutant overlord to a marshmallow sling shot. It's with the delivery of blood and fear that makes this movie villain the cream of the crop.

So those were the top nine movie baddies that I have to mention in this review. If you feel like I left something out or think that something needs to change please leave a comment. Remember though that this is strictly opinionated and it's just my opinion. Since it would be impossible to give reviews to all of these movies with the details I have given just assumed that I gave them something out of five to make yourselves amused. This has been a Sand Witch Review and until next time, your time, is out.

Sand Witch Review - Final Fantasy Tactics A2.

Welcome to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here is my review. People, I'm going to be blunt, I love my mother. She is a wonderful and kind person to no known ends. So since this review is probably going to be seen by her nurturing eyes I'm not going to be as profane as I would be in my earlier reviews. Now while some of you may be worried that my humor might go down if a curse isn't in every other sentence, I promise you I can still inflict massive damage onto a title I do not agree with and let me show you this clean side of me with my review of, Final Fantasy Tactics A2.

Now for all those who didn't know, I was a huge fan of the original Final Fantasy Tactics Advance for the game boy advance. Although the title sounded a little silly, there were no other games like it for satisfaction. It had great gameplay, intense storyline, and probably endless options in terms of party members. This game was so big that both my older brothers have once played this game with me. To which I kicked both of their rectums. So as you can imagine when I found out that a sequel was going to be made, you bet I jumped up and down with joy. However what began with hope and joy, soon became despair and tears.

Let me first address the title of the game, Final Fantasy Tactics A2, Grimorie of the Rift. First of all, why call it A2? Were you too lazy just to add in Advance? I mean, sure Tactics Advance 2 would look stupid, but I think Tactic A2 looks even dumber. Not only does it look like something a four year old would write because they're just learning the alphabet but also it's just lazy. Also let me talk about Grimoire of the Rift. As those that played the first game would know the characters were dragged into the world of Ivalice by the power of a Grimoire. Since the word is in the title, I suppose that means the main character is going through a book again. Now isn't that even more lazy? I mean, that and the A2 it's like they just had a Chimpanzee with turrets write the name and story line. Oh well, might as well address more of the game.

Now here's where I get really annoyed, story line and character layout. For those of you who have not played Final Fantasy Tactics Advances, get off you lazy as... rear, and buy the game already. This game's story line is divine. It's probably one of the most complex hand held story line of the time. It had government cruelty, conflict of tradition and society, and simply the story of a kid that tried to make his own world so that he could feel important. Also the main character is probably still one of my favorite square Enix characters to this day. He wasn't a blood thirsty killer, he was just a boy trapped in an alternate world trying to make his way home. He was kind, polite, and generally well liked even within the game, much different from the brooding, depressing main characters you find in the other parts of the franchise.

However someone with the IQ of a paper bag decided that the character of the sequel needed to be much more killing oriented then the first one since you know, being kind doesn't set a good role model what so ever. No what really makes a role model is a personality inspired by a card board box and an attitude of shoot first, ask questions latter. That's what my kids to grow up with and I know my mother would feel the same way. That same moron then decided to take away all the gripping story line of the first one and replace it with a jealous... (Insert profane word here) who wants the power of the Grimoire. Yeah as you can imagine I was not a happy camper. In fact I was quite the opposite, I was blood boiling angry. How can they sleep at night when they know that every Final Fantasy Tactic Advance fan who bought this game can never look at the original the same way again. How can they deal with that guilt? I have only one answer, with all the money the made out of this cheap insult to our intelligence as gamers.

I will give it one thing however, at least they still had the same battle system as in the last game. In fact, they even added two new races to the mix and a whole bunch of new jobs. This made me think that the rest of the game could be bearable. However like the rest of the game, that brain dead monkey decided that you have to do certain missions which are not always available to receive the best jobs. Really? You really needed to put a cap on how long it takes to get the best jobs, let alone there best attacks? YOU REALLY NEEDED TO DESTROY EVERY GOOD AND DECENT THING THAT FINAL FANTASY TACTICS ADVANCE STANDS FOR? You son of a bitc... nice, normal, person that I'm sure didn't do anything wrong...*twitch* I love you mom.

*twitch*

Overall this game fails in comparison to the original. It's lame, unimaginative, and a complete let down. This game is one of those that is so bad that I really believe that I should find a number less then one but not zero. I can't use zero since that number hold infinite possibilities. I also can't call it a negative number because I feel that would give this game more credit then it's worth. This game gets a one out of five without any questions. Now while some of you overly zealous hard core gamers might like it solely because the words 'Final Fantasy' appear on the cover, remember that I'm a critic so anything that insults my gaming pride will face my wrath. This has been a Sand Witch Review and until next time, your time is out.

Sand Witch Review - Pokemon (The first season.)

Welcome to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here is my review. Pokemon, do I even really have to say more? Ten years ago this was a phenomenon that swept the entire nation. Kids every where were addicted to this animated madness. And while the shows and games may be a pile of horse vomit mixed together with guerrilla diarrhea by now, one cannot forget the good memories this show has produced.

For all of those adults or non conforming kids who do not know about pokemon, here's a little recap. Pokemon was a show which was based on trading cards, which were in turn based on a game. The idea was simple. Capture a bunch of demonic little rodents with sphere shaped prisons known as a 'pokeball', kill the bad guy's rodents, and become the new champion of pokemon. Such a simple and sastifying game play led to one of the most addicting games of all time. There were literally countless amounts of pokemon that you could capture, each one having it's own strength and weakness. God this brings back so many good memories. You see, I was a huge fan of the original red and blue versions. To this day I am still a fan. However the difference is that while ten years ago you were considered a god if you knew all the pokemon, now you're just a virgin nerd.

I can't say that I was really a big fan of the card game however, evenas a child. The reason for this was that on the card each pokemon could only have like two attacks. That felt too limited to me which caused me not to participate in the games. However I know that the card games were very famous. I believe that even to this day there are still people that enjoy this game. If you ask me they should just be playing Magic the Gathering since that's where the real picture card gamers are at!

Now let's talk about that anime, that little piece of crap anime. As earlier mentioned, in the beginning I was a huge fan of the show as well. However as I had to watch some episodes to recap my memories of this show, I realized just how miserably bad this show really was. I mean, did they even try? Some of these episodes just seem like they said "you know what? Fuck making sense! We have a show about a protagionist with a sand paper personality with a electric rat that refuses to evolve. If they're still willing to watch it despite that bullshit, then obviously we don't have to try." Alright now that I got that out of the way, let's begin with my review.

The first thing that I'm going to pick on is how long this show has lasted. This show has lasted more then NINE SEASON! Nine, you know, that number before ten and after eight. How do you do it? How can you still get more and more veiwers when the show constantly repeats the same process in each and every season? Where are the angels of mercy to chancel this abomination? To make it worst, each season gets progressively worst. I mean, sure there's bad, but these show managed to cross that border and make something even badder then bad. It's something so bad, that bad needs it's an evolution in order to keep up with the times. Dear God did I just make a pokemon reference? I need to end this quick.

The next thing that I'm going to pick at is voice actors. Now in the pokemon games, there was no voice acting. The pokemon had computer generated cries and there was background music. But no voice actors. Why? Because that was one of those days that the big guy upstairs was hard at work to make sure that such sin does not taint the franchise. However, where is an anime without voice actors right? Well, after listening to a few episodes I think that they should have kept it in silence. The voice actors for pokemon were horrible. I mean, they made me want to cut off my ears, boil them in hot water, eat them, and then vomit all over the hottest guy I could find. To top it all off the pokemon also get voice overs. However again there was some kind of miracle because all they could do was say their names. Again though, this gets very annoying...

Another thing I wish to address is the plot. It was pretty much just like the game, beat the gym leaders and defeat the elite four. I think I've pissed puddles deeper than this. I mean, couldn't you add a sub plot? Anything really I'm not a very demanding person. All I ask is a slightly different plot then the one already provided by the game so that I don't feel like I'm wasting my time watching the show about a trainer who I could run circles around with my level one hundred Alakazam. Also everyone in this show is very happy. Sure being an optimist is a good characteristic, but these guys were almost too chipper. It felt like a twilight zone episode where everyone in the world was possessed by aliens so that they were forced to only be able to smile and be inspiring. The only people who were ever seen with something else then a shit eating grin were the bad guys and even they got there turn to show there perfect teeth.

I will give it one thing, there were moments when I could take this show seriously. Despite the constant go lucky attitude of the show there were actually a few moments when things weren't so perfect. Like there was one episode where Ash got seperated from his two human friends and was trapped in a frozen cave. Although he was using Charmander's fiery tail to keep himself and his pokemon warm, the fire was dying out so Ash returned all of his pokemon to their pokeballs. However Pikachu doesn't want to go into his pokeball because he's afraid that his partner will die of the cold. In their fighting the rest of ash's pokemon come out as well and bunch themselves together with Ash so that he will continue to stay warm. I won't forget any time soon when Ash had a tear in his eye as he said "so then we're all going to die together." What really killed me though was that he then repated 'die together'. While I know that I'm an emotional bitch when it comes to such situations, that was somewhat of a good scene. It wasn't happy, it wasn't go lucky and it made people generally care. Now naturally the show destroyed that moment the second it got to, but for those few seconds, there was an actual heartfelt moment.

Overall I'm giving pokemon in general a four out of five. The games are definitely all fives, however since this review is combining the card game and the anime with them, I have to bring it down from perfection. Honestly, I believe that the anime is the source of all of Pokemon's problems. It's because of them that people critic the genre and bash the games. In reality though, the games aren't bad. Mostly because they don't try to match up with the anime and they just try to keep the same pattern that gamers want from them. Personally though I do think that pokemon has had its run. If they make a new generation, I just might give up. I'm Mattysandwich, and until next time, your time is up.

Sand Witch Review - Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Welcome to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here is my review. Alright so as you know by now my mind tends to be drifting in the sea of fantasy. In this vast world of magic and mystery there are Japanese role playing games, fantasy books, and finally, movies based on fantasy books. One of the most successful movie series based on one of the most successful book series is Harry Potter, to which I have the pleasure of reviewing the Half Blood Prince movie.

Now since it would be unfair to review the sixth movie of a franchise without reviewing the first five, allow me to give a fast recap of my personal opinions of the movies. The first one was breath taking, I mean it was magical. Of course, since I saw the first one as a child I guess my opinion is a tad biased due to my innocent state at the time. The next movie was okay. Again this is when I began to gain more of an opinion so I didn't just like everything I saw. The third one I didn't like solely because I actually read that book and I felt it did a bad job explaining things. Then we got to the fourth one. Holy shit was the fourth one amazing. It had great action, great special effects, and the beginning of Voldemort. That was what really set the bar for me on what a good Harry Potter movie should be. And then we got to five where I felt it was too much build up for a lame battle scene. Alright since I got all my other reviews out of the way, let me talk to you about the one I actually wanted to mention.

So let me start off by saying that for some reason the music felt off about this movie. I don't why this was, but there was definitely something off about it. I mean, it didn't even start off with the actual Harry Potter theme, you hear it like seven minutes in. That bothered me a lot. When you make a successful franchise, you have to keep some patterns the same. When you choose to break the patterns when the series is coming to an end, why? Oh well I think I'm getting overly worked up about one minor detail so let me work on another one.

Alright so let me start off by saying I loved the characters of Harry Potter. I mean when I say love, I mean I would give off half of my immortal soul so that these characters could come to life. I would give more but I need the other half to wish for the same thing with Kingdom Hearts. Anyways let me start off with the characters I liked the most, Bellatrix and Luna. Bellatrix has a place in my heart because she's evil. Not like the cruel, plan to take over the world evil, oh no that's too simple. No, she's the laughs sadistically as she blows shit up kind of evil. I mean, it's these characters that make me smile. My reason for doing so is because they make evil look fun because they enjoy it so much. Plus the actress who played this part mastered the character as she truly looks like what the character was meant to be. My next favorite character is Luna for similar reasons. I'm not saying that Luna's evil, she's just crazy. I mean, can you really say if you saw a girl like her walking by doing something Luna would do you wouldn't chuckle away at how crazy she is? The worst part is she isn't crazy, she's right! Also again I love the actress that plays her because she delivers all of her lines so melancholy. It's like nothing she does bothers her or makes her feel uncomfortable, so why should you be awkward?

The romance was also fun in this movie. However it did seem to focus on the romance too much which made me wonder if anyone was going to propose. Again one of the major romances focused on in the movie was Hermione and Ron and how Ron gets an overly obsessed girlfriend which makes Hermione all emotional. Wow if only she had the balls to just tell Ron that she was into him while she was staying at his house. That would have hit things off smoothly. Also in the movie Harry Potter wants in on the romance as well as he suddenly has his eyes on Ron's sister Jenny. Now wait a minute! Wasn't Harry after that Asian chick in the last two movies when did he change to gingers? Oh well I guess the movie figured that we either wouldn't notice or care as it keeps forcing into our minds that Harry likes Jen and after a while I just gave up. Anyways the romance was nice however I can't help but think that it was meant to counter the ever rising population of obsessed teenage girls who love Twilight because of its romance. But I digress, I'll tackle that abomination another time.

Alright now let's talk about Albus Dumbledore. As we all know, Dumbledore dies in this movie. Didn't know it, ha I spoiled something now live your lives in fear! Anyways as I was saying due to the dying of one of Harry Potter's famous and most powerful characters, there were a lot of scenes including him. Now these are the scenes in which make the movie awesome. The reason being that Albus is awesome. I mean, this guy was spectacular. He's so kind that young kids could think of him as Santa Claus and in many ways he actually was. He always showed kindness and love to all of his students, had great respect on both sides, and even had a bit of fun in him. Not to mention that he was in fact the most powerful wizard ever alive. Now when Dumbledore died, it was heart breaking. Although I didn't cry, I wanted to. This was one of my most prized characters and one of my favorite childhood friends. Now, he's one with the planet. Rest in peace good sir, rest in peace. Also the scene where all the wizards raise their wands and cast Lumos was also very heart warming. Finally my favorite thing about Dumbledore is that he had a pheonix called Fox that flew away into the morning sun. That was a beautiful image.

Now it's time for me to end this review. Overall, I seriously enjoyed it. Although I mentioned a lot of things that I didn't like, frankly there were a lot of things I liked as well. The acting was perfect, the effects were amazing, and the story line made sense. Over all I'm giving this movie a four out of five. Again this may be because of my biased feelings and of the fact it's going to be Micheal Gambon's last performance, in reality I don't think so. To me, this movie was meant to be the lead up to the seventh and final chapter and it did that well. It didn't try to be it's own story like the other movies because it wasn't supposed to. And like I said it's still not as good as the fourth one, at least it was better then the fifth. This has been a Sand Witch Review, and until next time, your time is out.

Sand Witch Review - Public Enemy

Welcome to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here's my review. Alright I'm sorry I haven't updated this in quite a while. The truth of the matter is that I was in Great Lakes, Il visiting my brother who is stationed at the Navy Base there. You see he had a free weekend so my family and I went to visit him. We wanted to do whatever he wanted to do since we love him so much. Unfortunately one of the things that he wanted to do was see the new movie Public Enemy.

Now all those who don't know what Public Enemy is about, you clearly have not seen any movies recently. This movie has been in almost every movie trailer that would show it and to be honest, it never really impressed me. I tend not to like movies based on actual people in real life because most of the time I do not it's interesting enough. Mostly because when you break it down, real life situations are really hard to find. Mostly because people don't like them. People tend to like situations where it's believable, action gripping, and ultimately epic. Movies based on real life circumstances tend to be too real which throw people off of it. But don't listen to my biased opinion. Instead, listen to my biased review.

Alright now the movie starts off with a Jail break. This is the first mistake of the movie, you never start off with a really cool or creative scene unless you are ready to top it. And since I saw one of the scenes later I can safely say that the scene I saw wasn't going to top it so why start off with a prison break? You see this is what I meant where actual situations conflict with believable situations. In a believable situation you'll have the character have only one jail break and it'll be much later to have a significant dramatic point in the movie. However since in real life I guess they started off with a jail break they just figured to start it off there as well because it's supposedly packed with drama and action.

Oh man now I mentioned the action scenes. I really didn't want to do this till later so that I could control that hatred for just a bit longer. Oh well, I mentioned it so now here I go they sucked! I don't use that phrase lightly either they were dull. For one thing it was just a bunch of shooting. If I wanted more genetic shooting, I would have played a FPS and saved the twenty bucks. Second of all, there's no music in the background of any of the action scenes. Do you have any idea how boring a movie's action scene is without any sound? Very! There was actually a scene when the main character was breaking out of jail again and I was playing 'he's a pirate' from pirate of the Caribbean to make the action scene actually somewhat enjoyable. That's another wart I'm going to poke at while I'm commenting on the action scenes. During the course of the movie the main character gets sent to jail where he then wit fully escapes the prison walls. Wow this was almost as impressive as the first time he escaped prison! I mean, come on! You can't show us the same adventure scene as you did already, it gets boring. I swear to you I was biting my tongue so that way I didn't yell at the movie right in front of my brother.

Alright now it's time to talk about the drama and story line. It's too damn obvious! This is another situation where I want to bring up the difference between believable and actually happening. When you have a movie that's believable, they'll often do what you don't expect so that way it makes the story more compelling. However with this movie, everything was spelled out. It was so blankly obvious there was one moment where just in my head I was just saying how stupid it would be if he told the girl about his true identity when he just met her and then I thought "Oh god he's going to do it." Sure enough next scene he's spilling all of his secrets. I swear to God if I had a heavy enough object with me at that moment I would have hit myself in the head so that way I could knock myself out. Also, it was boring. Since you could predict everything nothing was compelling. Bad guys chases him, good guy runs faster. Bad guy captures him, good guy escape. I swear to you just play a game of cops and robbers with a three year old and you'll get the same amount of story line as you get in this movie.

Another thing that I'm going to rant about is how long this movie is. This movie was two hours twenty three minutes. That's two hours way too long. I mean, when you predict the next dramatic scene and the action scenes aren't grasping your attention, what's there to watch? I mean, think about all the other things I could have been doing during those two and a half hours. I could have been developing a cure for cancer, capturing a shiny pokemon, or just doing illicit drugs. Any one of those options I would have preferred then seeing this movie, preferably catching a shiny pokemon.

Alright now I'm going to say the one thing I will actually call good, the acting. I mean, what do you expect when you have Johnny Depp and Christian Bale? Both of these people played the people that they were expected to be. To be honest, this was the only thing that I was shooting for in the movie. I mean, Christian Bale made a great Batman (despite the voice,) and Johnny Depp is the only person alive who can successfully pull off a good 'Captain' Jack Sparrow (at least in the first movie when Pirates of the Caribbean was still good.) The only problem is that both of these famous actors were stuck playing in an overly annoying predictable movie.

Overall I'm giving this movie a one out of five. It was dull and nothing about kept me on my seat. While admittedly my opinion is biased due my own beliefs and prejudices, that's the reason why it's my review and my opinion. My advice is don't see it and when other people tell you they're going to see it steal their wallots. That way not only do you stop them from seeing an awful movie, you also get a wallot full of cash. Alright getting off now. This has been the Sand Witch Review and until next time, your time is up.

The Sand Witch Review - Shin Megami Tensei Persona 3 FES

Hello to the Sand Witch Review. I'm Mattysandwich and here is my review. Alright it's time for me to talk about one of my favorite things to this day, Shin Megami Tensei games. For all those who don't know about Shin Megami Tensei, you better get on your knees and start praying for SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI IS GOD! There hasn't been a single game that came out by this company that I have not enjoyed or given a five star rating. Alright now it's time to focus on this certain game, Persona 3.

Persona 3 was the first persona game to be released into the United States. The first two did not get an English release yet however the first one will soon be making an appearance on the PSP. Now let's talk about this game. While I can't say a lot or else I will ruin the story line I will say that in the opening cut scene there is a girl holding a gun to her forehead. Yes you're going to be seeing a lot more of that.

Alright not it's time to go into the first part of a good game, story line. As a Shin Megami Tensei game, the story line it practically already written in gold. If you are a fan of the traditional silent hero good versus evil then you will love this game. This story in particular makes me happy. It's creative, masterful, and leaves the the player completely satisfied. It revolves around the concepts of battling with creatures called personas. Now it's time for the unmasking of the details of a persona. Let's start off with it's actual definition. A persona is a metaphorical mask you wield in public. It takes the form of the emotions we wish others to see. Now imagine that this mask you wielded actually had a design. Now imagine it takes the form of a mythological or historical figure that could use magic and deliver powerful attacks. This is a persona. Personas in this game are based on you're own emotions and each persona is placed under the Tarot Card arcanas. The normal person only has one persona and it takes the form of your personal arcana. However your character is able to wield multiple personas and as such makes him vitally the strongest character in the game. Don't think that any person has a persona though. Most people aren't even aware that they can tap into such a powerful force and even those that are aware are unable to reach their potential. Only a very limited amount of people in this game are able to tap into their persona and only by meeting certain conditions.

Now it's time for the second part of the game, game play. The game is divided into two separate parts. There's life outside of battles and the battles themselves. During the outside world, you can socialize and make friends. It's very important to do so because by being more social you develop these bonds called social links. They strengthen the persona you create of that arcana. This makes socializing vital in this game as the stronger the persona you wield, the better you'll do in battle. Now it's time to talk about the battles. I describe the battle system of this game as a cross breed between Final Fantasy X and the dot hack games. While you're able to see the enemies on the board, you do not know how many bad guys are actually there until you go into battle. The battle style of this game is rather tricky at first. The first thing you'll realize is that it's turned based, giving it reason for me to like it already. Now it's time for the second thing you'll immediately notice, you can't directly control your allies. Instead you can give commands where your allies will then follow to a letter. When you leave your allies to fight themselves you probably won't be too disappointed for the minor battles however in boss fights YOU WILL DIE! I also love the music that plays in the back ground as you battle. It's bizarre, but somehow manages to catch the drift of the game.

Speaking of which, let's talk about the musical score. This is another one of Shin Megami Tensei's strength, they have such a diversity of music. They have jazz, they have rock, and it all fits so gracefully. I especially love the ending to the first part of the game "kimi no kioku." It's such a great song which I warn you if you translate the lyrics you're in for one major plot spoiler.

Now it's time to talk about the characters of the game. God that's one of the strength of socializing type games you fall in love with the supporting cast. They make you love everyone so that when you end the game, you feel ridiculously embarrassed for wanting to cry. While I won't go into detail, I will say that my favorite character is a girl named Aigis. While I can't say much about her, I can say that she brings new meaning to ghost in the machine.

Alright now it's time to talk about another issue, graphics. This is where I get a little picky. I am honestly not to big of a fan of this game's out of battle graphics. They sometimes make me feel a little too excited to battle which bothers me a bit. However that changes when the animated cut scenes come in. Those moments make me so happy.

Overall, I'm giving this game a five star rating. Shin Megami Tensei games have truly completed the requirements for what make a good JRPG. It's exciting, dark, amazing, and everything a good game should have. While I honestly am more of a fan to Persona 4, to which I will make a review for, I have to say that this game has a permanent place in my heart. Alright then I'm signing off now. Until my next review, This is the Sand Witch Review, and your time is up.

The Sand Witch Review - Introduction.

Welcome to the Sand Witch Review! This is where your host reviews movies, games, and whatever the hell I want. But first, here are the rules. The first is that I review things based on a one through five scale. If I rate a movie as a one then don't see it period. Not only will it waste an hour and a half away from your life but it'll waste even more time on the ways you wish you could kill the producers of that film. For movies that I rate a five, that means that if I rate it a five and you don't watch or play it then I will hunt you down and eat you. Although it may take me years to accomplish this, one day I will! Also for movies or games I rate a five I will give detailed reasons why it is deserving of such a title.

Now it's time for the second rule, I want your input. I will admit that I do not know everything so I do some times come to the wrong conclusion based on my own personal prejudices. When this occurs I ask that you sent me your own personal ideas on what can be improved or modified. Keep in mind if I am opinionated about a certain topic then I will challenge you on your beliefs. However I can always promise I try to look at both sides of the conversation, as long as you are able to treat me with the same respect.

Now it's time for the third rule. While my movie watching varies in a whole bunch of directions, I'm a pretty isolated gamer. Because of this most of my reviews will be about movies. However I will also review jrpg's as they are the type of games I like. Yes I know I'm a nerd shut up. Now here's where you come in. I need you, my loyal fans, to help me choose movies or games to review. If you choose video games remember a video game takes a lot of time to fully get through and as well cost a lot more money then the average movie. I am willing to review anything from good to bad. Please note however it will take time to track down the movies and watch them.

Now here's my final rule, enjoy this. I am writing this because I enjoy giving reviews. For some reason typing makes me really happy, however when I try to focus it on a story I can never complete it. In order for me to be truly happy however I want others to enjoy this as well. It's the reason why I want to interact with fans so much. Alright then, I said all that needs to be said. If you have any questions, please let me know as soon as you read this. Other then that, again welcome to the Sand Witch Review.